You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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