i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
