Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
