whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just found a bag of teeth...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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