6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
