i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she told me i tasted like america
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
