The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
