dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
