I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
