Apparently you make a good broom.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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