At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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