Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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