im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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