I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
