Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
