i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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