I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
How external is "for external use only"?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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