You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
