This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
