So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
