I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
