Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
