dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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