I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
