You're completely useless in the revolution.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
