ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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