Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
