Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
