he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
