So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
