i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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