Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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