Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
