We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
