I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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