no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
