You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
