corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
