My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
