I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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