You really coming over, don't trick.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
