you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
