if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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