none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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