Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
