the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
