isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
