is your mom at the bar?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
