i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
