There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
