there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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