Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
